Fingering fatherhood

The news that fertility problems will be passed on to some test tube boys wasn't really news.When you by-pass nature's 'survival of the fittest' system of procreation, there are going to be consequences. To put it in a nutshell (*coughs*) ICSI is a process whereby a scientist with a microscopic fishing rod (and flask of tea) catches a likely looking sperm and injects it into an egg. This does of course take out the whole bit about the fastest, cleverest, most popular sperm winning the egg race, and therefore being the one who gets to be the daddy. No, the real news in the article in yesterday's Sunday Times  was that these super test-tube boys all appear to inherit shorter fingers from their fertility-challenged fathers.

Our son was conceived through IVF ICSI. And thanks to this new report I am now semi-obsessed with finger-length to the point where, last night as I lay in bed, I considered getting up to procure a ruler to see if I might have been pre-warned by this odd little peccadillo of nature. Shorter fingers apparently equalling a man's prospective inability to provide the goods. 

The news also reminded me of the saying about small hands. That men with small hands have....small gloves. So if it was true all along that men with small hands/short fingers (actually is there a difference?) might not be able to get their partners pregnant, why didn't I consider this when seeking out the father of my children. Especially since I was seeking him out (aka dating with intent) when I was already in my late thirties, and certainly without the stork on my side. Perhaps we need to consider whether finger measurements should now become part of our courting process. Especially if male fetility is on the decline, which it is, and the birth rate with it may take a tumble. Who is going to look after us in our old age. Will there be anyone out there?

For my family, we must hope that science may come up with a way of helping our son have his own family one day. But I do worry that if we tell him of this potential challenge to his fathering ability too early, he may hate us. He might even fling his wild oats carelessly around in the half-cocked belief that they are impotent. Holy sh*t he might make us grandparents when he's still in his teens.

Thinking ahead, should we consider beginning trials on finger-lengthening prosthetics. Because what if this is the start of a resurgance in popularlity of the artless logic in Victorian Physiognomy (in which deviant behaviour is blamed on physical characteristics of the perpetrator). Instead of big foreheads, it'll be those men with little fingers that get the....errr finger pointed at them.

There is also something slightly nazi-esque about all of this. And ultimately what does it achieve? If the option for ICSI had not been allowed when we were on our stop-start journey to parenthood, we probably would not have our son. And in the wider context of society deciding which children have a right to life, and which do not with the ever-growing industry of genetic engineering...what kind of world are we going to have in 5 or 6 generations time. I don't know the answer. But I do know that I love my son. And that we, as a family, are very very lucky, small fingers or otherwise.

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