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Settling for... Mr Good Enough

Tue, 26 January 2010 | Jo Ellis

Tags: Amazon, Lori Gottlieb, Settling for Mister right-now, how to have a happier marriage, marriage guidance, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough

Lori Gottlieb has been ruffling feathers this week with her book Marry Him: The Case For Settling for Mr Good Enough which is published in the UK this week.

The New-York based author believes women who refuse to commit unless they find a man with whom they feel a deep romantic love are consigning themselves to an unhappy and lonely future. And she's talking from personal experience. She is a 40-year- old single mother and admits she now wishes she'd settled for any of the perfectly 'acceptable but uninspiring' men she rejected during her search for the one.
'We grew up idolising marriage, but if we'd had a more realistic understanding of its cold hard benefits we (read she) might have done things differently. 'Marriage isn't a passion-fest; it's more like a partnership formed to run a very small, mundane and often boring non-profit business. And I mean this in a good way.' If that's marriage, what the hell does that make motherhood?

So here at Rock HQ we started thinking if our relationships were metaphorical businesses, what would they be. Here's what we came up with. And obviously it's only fair that you share yours!

If my 16-year-old relationship/endurance test  with the father of my two children was a business it would be a clock makers because.......

We probably should have called time long, long ago

We're very good at winding each other up

He's a night owl and I'm a morning bird - We could reset our body clocks.

 

Or how about this offering from a friend. If my marriage was a small business it would be a post office because......

It's impossible to make a profit (can you imagine the margins on the price of an envelope?)

There is always a really long wait for anything to happen. Like anything.

And nobody thanks you for working there, in fact you're usually complained at, verbally abused and much as you'd really like to close early, you can't. Mostly.

Read more about the author of the book at her own subversive/smart site Lori Gottlieb.com

And please tell us what you think ...

 

 

 

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Comments - 8 and counting...

I've been married for 7 years and have a four-year-old son. My marriage would be a gym because even though the workouts (!) can sometimes feel repetitive, you enjoy it when you get there and the more effort you make then the better the results. And overall it's good for your health.

Posted by: mitchmag | 26 January 2010

On a cynical, he-drives-me-nuts day it's a candle shop:
gets on my wick,
Impossible to do much without getting burnt and the sinking suspicion that I'm just going to have to get used to the drip.
On a flimsy, breezy-isn't-he-lovely day, it's a ye olde sweet shop:
full of Fizz Bombs, Lucky Dips (don't read toooo much into that one ), Jelly Babies and a sweet aroma around every corner. And a quarter of humbugs. Gotta keep it real after all.

Posted by: gigi | 26 January 2010

I'm not convinced that settling for Mr Good Enough will always work - how can you get through the hellish newborn days without having a really deep bond with your partner ? Something that goes so deep you still care for them even when you're arguing over who is the most sleep deprived ...

Mr Good Enough probably would only be that - good enough until a better one comes along

Posted by: MuddlingAlong | 26 January 2010

You have to have fallen deeply in love in the first place otherwise you've got nothing to bond you together to endure the mundane or rocky bits? I tried raising a kid with someone who I wasn't in love with and we split despite our devotion to our child. As a single mother I could have settled for seconds but was adamant I'd stay alone unless the 'One' came along. Luckily he did and bringing up kids and overcoming the difficult blips has been a totally different experience.

Posted by: Tabitha Twitchett | 26 January 2010

I settled for Mr Good Enough and over the years found myself settling for less in so many areas. We now have nothing that we see eye to eye on and the only conversations we have are about the practicalities of day to day living. No fun for anyone - I wish I could afford to move out with the kids!

Posted by: boo | 31 January 2010

www.singlemotherontheverge.blogspot.com

Hm is mundane sex better than no sex at all... nah! I'd settle for Mr Goodenough Richenough, but Mr Goodenough Skintalot wouldn't be a party at all. Oh, maybe that's it, you can't make a profit, but you don't want a crisis either.

Funnily enough my son said the other day: 'those men that wanted to marry you, you turned them down, and now look at you...'

I didn't want to add IT WAS ALL FOR YOU DARLING, that would have seemed trite. Because they were good enough, but not right.

Posted by: Maria Roberts | 1 February 2010

http://1husband2kidsandlotsofbooks.blogspot.com/

You need to have at least an illusion that you married the best to keep it together during the rough times. The reality might be that many of the 'good enough's' might well have worked out just as well... except that they wouldn't because you'd forever have that nagging voice niggling away at you - a reminder that you 'made do'. No-one likes to feel they got second best, least of all when they could have held out for more.

Posted by: 1husband2kids | 4 February 2010

Yes, all true...interesting use of the word illusion (is it in fact all done with smoke and mirrors?!).

But actually, how many women (or men) would ever admit out loud that they didn't wonder, at some point, that they might just be taking the slow/safe/steady road instead of...who knows?

And, love the fact that you've registered as 1 husband 2 kids!

Posted by: gigi | 4 February 2010

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