A voice for the voiceless

When, as has happened twice in the last two weeks, a child has been killed by a parent, the media wrings its hands about ‘Broken Britain’ and who is to blame. Usually after raking over the horrible details of each painfully tragic case, the rhetoric is done. And the story goes away. Until the next time. The Victoria Climbié Foundation UK was established following the public inquiry into Victoria’s death in 2003 and continually campaigns for improvements to child protection policies and practices. It was also set up to relieve families in distress or need by providing interaction between the statutory agencies. MumsRock invited one of the parents, helped by the VCF, to tell their story. 

I am a mum to a beautiful little girl, soon to be 5 years old. I've had 3 years of frustration and anger and this is due to my daughter being let down terribly by the Family Court system. "Banging my head against a brick wall" is the term which comes to mind when I hear the words "Family Court" and "the child's interests come first" - if this is the case why are so many children being let down by the Family Court system and Social Services, and horrifically for some, it costs them their lives, sweet innocent children at the mercy of these so called professional bodies. To tell you my whole story would be just too long, but to say I have grave concerns for my daughter is a start, this is both emotionally and physically.

I left my daughters father when she was 18 months, he had always threatened, if I was ever to leave him he would make both myself and my daughter live to regret it. Sadly, since leaving he has done just that, through his beautiful, innocent little girl. He consistently brain washes her and encourages her to keep secrets from me, she has returned from contact and said some very concerning things, and some alarming of which you know have been put in a child’s head. Not only is this confusing for a small child, but damaging to them emotionally. She pleads with me to not make her go to her father's and on returning her behaviour is horrendous, I know she blames me for making her go. If I could wish for anything, I would wish my daughters father was a decent, caring human being and that her time spent with him would be happy and beneficial. Sadly this isn't the case. I think he must  be unbalanced, he compulsively lies, I am unable to trust him whatsoever. He is one of these "Mr Charming" in court/public yet behind closed doors is a very different story, I'd been told these sort are the worse, and yes they are. Any normal parent wants their child or children to grow up in a happy and healthy environment, but sadly for some parents they just do not put their children's needs first, instead they use them purely as tools to punish the other parent, a very selfish ploy. I do not understand how parents like this can sleep at night for it is their children who are the ones who suffer.

Back in July last year I watched the Dispatches programme on Channel 4 called "The Children Britain Betrayed". I cried watching this documentary, I could relate to it so much and it was from Dispatches web site at a later date where I obtained the Victoria Climbie Foundation's (VCF) contact details.

Up until the point of contacting VCF I had been passed from pillar to post with regards to trying to protect my daughter. It has become the norm for my daughter to return from contact covered in bruises and on one occasion I had to call the police to her fathers house following a very distressed phone call from my daughter which ended in a piercing scream and the phone being cut dead, the father refused to answer the phone after this. It makes me furious seeing the NSPCC adverts about every child matters, what about my child I ask myself. I have been to Family court 6 times over the last 3 years, one time being for a committal hearing as I stopped contact as I feared so much for my daughters safety. I have asked for support from Cafcass, Social Services, Doctors, Health visitors, NSPCC, Parentline to name but a few, it turns out no one actually gives a dam about my beautiful little girl, apart from me of course and my family and friends, then I spoke with VCF and told them my story and it was from this first phone call, they cared too.

I initially spoke with Stephanie at VCF, she was lovely and after giving her a brief background, I was saddened to learn the experience my daughter is going through with her father and mine with the Family Courts and every other professional body that so call "has the child’s best interests at heart", that this is not actually something out of the norm. Stephanie was warm and understanding, the first person in a professional background that actually took notice, from that moment I felt for the first time I had made contact with an organisation that would support me. I then spoke with Mor and a few days later met up with Mor and Sabrina, two very kind and supportive people whom advised and discussed in considerable depth where to go from this point in time. 

VCF are a friendly team, they are professional, objective, caring, and above all just so very supportive. Without the support of VCF, I'm not really sure how I would cope with watching my daughter go through what she does. My case worker Sabrina has been a tower of strength to me and although for now my daughter continues to see her father, I have to monitor everything very closely and liaise with Sabrina on a regular basis. I know they are always there at the end of the phone and document everything.

VCF continue to give me constructive and thorough advice. And although there is no real clear answer for now of which would guarantee to be 100% favourable to my daughter, VCF have given me options and the pros and cons for each one. For example with what has been going on I could go back to court, but frustrating as it is, the courts just do not want to know and if they did my daughter would then be at the mercy of a Social worker, I say no more, you just have to pick up a newspaper to understand this one. For now I have to sit back and let her go and pray she comes home to me safely, the only consolation I have is that she is with me the majority of the time and I am able to give her a stable, loving environment, something of which every child needs and deserves. And I also have the support of VCF, Thank You Sabrina, Mor and Stephanie for being there and giving me your advice and tremendous support.

The VCF told us it advises many families who come into contact with Social Services and other agencies and it is evident that most families feel that the agencies fail to identify their needs leading to families feeling socially isolated, excluded from any court proceedings and ultimately failed by the system that was set up to help and protect their children. To hear more about what the VCF do, and how you can help, please go to: www.victoria-climbie.org.uk 

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