The Top Nine Songs to Play While You Write Your Letter of Complaint to Sainsbury’s.
Sainsbury’s are running a TV ad campaign plugging a compilation CD called ‘101 Housework Songs’ which they promise will ‘banish those cleaning blues’ and ‘make housework fun’. The CD features such ‘feel-good’ classic as Queens ‘I want to Break Free’ and Dolly Parton’s ‘Nine to Five’ and is, they tell us, “a great gift for mum.” The thing is, there were lots of other equally cheap and unwanted presents they could have suckered our husbands into buying and we might not have got quite so cross. But they didn't and now we're angry. And so, in retaliation we have come up with our own compilation, we have reclaimed Respect and Don’t You Want Me from this absurd soundtrack and, we think, demonstrated something much more useful to do to them instead. Housework indeed!
We’re calling it The Top Nine Songs to Play While You Write Your Letter of Complaint to Sainsbury’s. Address them to the Chief Executive - Justin King, Sainsbury’s Supermarkets Ltd, 33 Holborn, London EC1N 2HT.
1 Independent Woman – Destiny’s Child
Getting the first track right is crucial to creating a winning compilation album and we think this sets a suitably ‘fierce’ atmosphere for our Mothering Sunday protest. Channel Lucy Liu, Drew and Cameron D…and work that attitude, because this is about you and me…"All the honeys who are making money… All the mammas who are makin dollars" feel free to add in the new line...'don't spend them at Sain-sbreez'.
2 Respect – Aretha Franklin
Need we say anymore? Probably not, but we will add – “What you want...baby I got it” (the housekeeping cash, the choice of other supermarkets, the power to make you boom or bust), “all I'm asking is for a little respect.. R.E.S.P.E.C.T” Call them up and play it down the phone: 020 7695 6000.
3 Don't You Want Me, Baby? – The Human League
Eighties nights are all the rage round our way. So why not grab your iPod speakers and leg it round to your Sainsbury’s Local (isn’t that what they are there for?) Crank up this classic and play it to the ones we used to love. “I picked you out, I shook you up and turned you around, Turned you into someone new, Now five years later on you've got the world at your feet, Success has been so easy for you, But don't forget it's me who put you where you are now. And I can put you back down too”. End of.
4 Leaving on a Jetplane - John Denver
We were young and naive, we believed in you, we believed in Jamie and his easy dinner ideas, we even believed in your 'Taste the Difference' range but we're just not feeling that love anymore. "So kiss me and smile for me, tell me that you'll wait for me, hold me like you'll never let me go - (BIG FINISH)... Cos I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again". Best played loudly down the blower (ask for the Marketing Dept) on 020 7695 6000.
5 Atomic – Blondie
Just for the refrain – “any time, any place, anywhere, anyhow” – hey, stop indoors and go online and let the Chief Exec feel your pain at justin.king@sainsburys.co.uk.
This article was originally written for our lovely friends at Alphamummy. If you want to find out what the other four tracks were, you can check them out by clicking here.
The MumsRock DJ is also happy to take requests so let us know what songs you think should join these on our (fantasy) protest CD!
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